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" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "

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" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "

" We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. "

" Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince. "

" A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman. "

" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "

" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "

" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "

" No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. "

" The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. "

" Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "

" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "

" A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. "