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" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

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" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.' "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "