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" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

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" I was an awkward kid. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" Everything that people say is testable. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "