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" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "
Louis C. K.
Else
Than
Would
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" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "
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" America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out. "
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Family
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" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "
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Almost
Dead
" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "
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Deal
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" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "
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Head
Ideas
" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "
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Saying
Think
Me
" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "
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Two
Things
Other
" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "
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Lying
Years
Last
" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "
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Working
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" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "
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You
People
Window
" I could never sit down and write jokes. "
Louis C. K.
Write
Could
Down
" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "
Louis C. K.
Okay
Supplies
Always
" I like all ladies of all different ages. "
Louis C. K.
Different
Like
Ladies
" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "
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Know
Sure
Stage
" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "
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Me
People
Talk
" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "
Louis C. K.
Speech
Hate
Stop
" I was an awkward kid. "
Louis C. K.
Awkward
Kid
" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "
Louis C. K.
Comedy
Correct
Even
" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "
Louis C. K.
Hotel
Back
Sleep
" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "
Louis C. K.
Time
Small
Memory
" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "
Louis C. K.
Lunch
Dinner
Smile
" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "
Louis C. K.
School
High School
Grades
" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "
Louis C. K.
Me
Guy
Just
" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "
Louis C. K.
Fail
Think
Good
" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "
Louis C. K.
Inside
Everyone
Find
" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "
Louis C. K.
Home
You
Real
" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "
Louis C. K.
Before
Head
Nap
" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "
Louis C. K.
Horrible
Life
Mistakes
" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "
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Crazy
Watching
More
" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "
Louis C. K.
Meal
Diet
Myself