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" I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. "

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" I saw a stationery store move. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "

" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "

George Harrison

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance. "

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy. "

George A. Romero

" An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. "

" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "

" My life needs editing. "

" I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. "

" If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain. "

Lindsey Stirling

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands. "

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that. "