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" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

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" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "

" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably have some chicken or pasta, though never the two together, and maybe go out for a quick wander around. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "

" When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again. "

Esther Williams

" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

Zach Galifianakis

" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "

Catherine McCormack

" Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty. "

" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "

" Being funny is everything to me. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. "

" I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny. "

" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "

Frank Lloyd Wright

" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "

" Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place. "

" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "

" If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. "