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" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "
Jack Benny
Funny
Either
Deserve
Related Quotes:
" Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am. "
Taika Waititi
Funny
Spiritual
I Am
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" What's another word for Thesaurus? "
Steven Wright
Thesaurus
Funny
Another
" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "
Spike Milligan
Speak
Native
I Can
" If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. "
Clint Eastwood
Buy
Guarantee
You
" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "
Peter Ustinov
Comedy
Way
Serious
" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "
Joan Rivers
Bath
Baby
Unwanted
" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "
Sylvie Meis
Moment
You
Yourself
" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "
Rob Thomas
Good
Girl
Teacher
" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
Bertrand Russell
Never
Because
Die
" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "
Mark Twain
Facts
Your
Funny
" Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. "
Lewis Mumford
Our
Funny
Flower
" It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was a comedy - I didn't exactly think of myself as leader-of-the-free-world material. "
Bill Pullman
Day
Think
Myself
" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "
Michael Keaton
Loved
People
Funny
" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "
Richard Lewis
Days
Funny
Life
" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "
Eric Idle
Survival
Funny
People
" Men are only as loyal as their options. "
Bill Maher
Funny
Options
Only
" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "
Gloria Steinem
Women
Funny
Good
" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "
George Burns
Spent
Sunday
Town
" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "
Tom Stoppard
Know
You
Funny
" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "
Greg Boyle
Story
People
Funny
" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "
Katie McGrath
Today
Funny
People
" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "
Keke Palmer
Day
Style
School
" I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. "
Harold Wilson
Funny
Who
Carries
" A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book. "
Ernest Hemingway
Man
Book
Write
" Every girls' night needs a funny movie and a good conversation about guys! My friends and I also love picking outfits out for each other to try on at slumber parties. It's so fun. "
Jennette McCurdy
Night
Friends
Fun
" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "
Mitch Hedberg
Did
Fake
Funny
" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "
Jimmy Durante
Funny
Her
Now
" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "
Walt Disney
Woman
More
Mickey Mouse
" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "
Terry Pratchett
Trouble
Trying
People