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" You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. "
Al Franken
Funny
First
You
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" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "
Charles M. Schulz
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" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "
H. L. Mencken
Will
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" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "
Tom Hiddleston
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" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "
Alex Wolff
Crazy
Funny
Looking
" Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. "
Elbert Hubbard
You
Funny
Seriously
" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "
Rowan Atkinson
Funny
Think
I Am
" I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. "
Nora Dunn
Enjoy
Funny
Never
" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "
Cardi B
Music
Person
Take
" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "
James Thurber
You
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Funny
" I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. "
Douglas Adams
Year
Funny
Dead
" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "
Don Herold
About
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Neat
" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "
Garry Shandling
Curious
Funny
Know
" I saw a stationery store move. "
Jay London
Saw
Store
Move
" It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified. "
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Matter
Down
Fall
" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "
Chris Eigeman
Work
Going Home
Home
" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "
Richard Lewis
Days
Funny
Life
" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "
Steve Martin
Professional
Fact
Best
" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "
Joan Rivers
Us
God
Over
" Include me out. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Out
Me
Include
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
David Letterman
Talk
Sing
Dance
" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "
Tim Allen
Positive
Funny
Good
" An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. "
Don Marquis
Believe
Funny
Who
" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "
George Bernard Shaw
Government
Funny
Support
" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "
George Lopez
Relative
Funny
Nice
" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "
Lily Tomlin
Love
You
Question
" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "
Abraham Lincoln
Ability
Tact
See
" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "
Fred Allen
Down
Funny
Him
" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "
David Thewlis
Funny
Writing
Sadness
" It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance. "
Jeremy Lin
Balance
Funny
Me
" One picture is worth 1,000 denials. "
Ronald Reagan
Picture
Worth
Picture Is Worth