Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Drinking
Know
Juice
Related Quotes:
" I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Fight
Sports
Out
" Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Got
Pet
Egypt
" Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Hide
Emotions
Time
" This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Morning
Hear
Laughing
" I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Time
Father
He
" I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Parents
Bath
Tell
" I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Me
Yellow
Teeth
" What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Got
Arm
Favorite
" I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Respect
Get
Way
" My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Met
Years
Wife
" On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Like
Looking
Halloween
" Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Men
Who
Without
" I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Tree
Up
Family
" I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Girl
Myself
Last Night
" My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Find
Clock
Big
" My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Wife
She
Sex
" I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Met
Me
He
" My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. "
Rodney Dangerfield
She
Day
Me
" With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! "
Rodney Dangerfield
Nothing
Night
Wife
" What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Him
Birds
Me
" My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Electric
Chair
Uncle
" I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. "
Rodney Dangerfield
General
Surgeon
Met
" When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Medical
Born
Doctor
" My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Sexy
Me
Home
" A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Me
Said
Day
" Life is just a bowl of pits. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Bowl
Life
Just
" If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Sex
Life
" One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Control
Birth
Boy
" I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Pet
Tree
Up
" My mother had morning sickness after I was born. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Born
Morning
Had