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" It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images. "

Johnny Depp

Things

Places

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" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. "

" There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen. "

" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "

" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "

" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "

" O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. "

Saint Augustine

Funny

Pure

" I made odd noises as a child. Just did weird things, like turn off light switches twice. I think my parents thought I had Tourette's syndrome. "

" I always have a decompression period at the end of a film. Sometimes it joyful, because you're just happy to be done. Or it can be melancholy. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

" 'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being funny. It was kind of like an arrival moment. "

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out. "

Harry Shearer

Funny

Great

" Tomorrow it'll all be over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again. "

Johnny Depp

Selling

Again

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

Joan Rivers

God

Over

" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

Zach Galifianakis

Funny

Rudeness

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. "

" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "

" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "

" I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. "

" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "

" The idea of dancing is the only thing that scares me. "

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

Chuck Norris

Funny

Creative

" We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? "

" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "