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" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "

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" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

Casey Stengel

Home

Funny

Family

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "

" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "

" Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. "

" The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. "

Demetri Martin

Actor

Funny

" I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. "

" Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "

Charles Dudley Warner

Anything

Funny

About

" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "

" I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. "

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? "

" I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. "

" Just telling the facts are no longer enough. You now have to be persuasive, charismatic, interesting, and funny. Just telling people things isn't enough anymore. "

" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "

" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "

" I wanted to be clever, but being funny came first. That's how you know someone is clever. They don't come out and tell you pi to 13 places - they tell you a joke. "

" For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy. "

" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "

" I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. "

" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "

" It's not so much what you learn about Mumbai, it's what you learn about yourself, really. It's a funny old hippie thing, but it's true as well. You find out a lot about yourself and your tolerance, and about your inclusiveness. "

" I had a girlfriend when I was about 13 but we didn't stay together for very long and I've not really been out with many people since. I've still never had a serious girlfriend but I would happily go out with someone if the right girl came along. "