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" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "

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" I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard. "

" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be. "

" 'I Love You, Man' was kind of funny. "

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "

Mercedes McCambridge

" Everybody complains about getting older, but I find it such a rich time of life. There are negative things about it, I suppose, but more than that, I'm finding it to be a very positive experience in which growth suggests itself in a much more alluring way than it did when I was young - isn't that funny? "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" I know the nature of comedy, and you never know what will happen with the next movie or whether people will find it funny. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school, but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny, but it was more of a social thing, where that was my part in my circle of friends. "

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" It's a funny old world. "

Margaret Thatcher

" Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts. "

" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "

" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "