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" Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. "

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" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "

" It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview, and then I have times where I do. "

Lance Armstrong

" I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. "

Robert Benchley

" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "

" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "

Mary-Kate Olsen

" At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.' "

" If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. "

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "

Robert Benchley

" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. "

" I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor. "

" If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain. "

Lindsey Stirling

" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "

" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

Colin Kaepernick

" The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. "

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "