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" Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. "
Woody Allen
You
Nothingness
Happen
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" Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. "
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" The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. "
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" Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. "
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" Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. "
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" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "
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" If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. "
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" Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. "
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" I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. "
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" I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. "
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" I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! "
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" Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. "
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" I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. "
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" When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. "
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" Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. "
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" It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
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" Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "
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" Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. "
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" I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. "
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" The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. "
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