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" The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. "
Woody Allen
Together
Sleep
Much
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" Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. "
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Come
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" If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. "
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" I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. "
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" I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. "
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Once
Two
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" What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? "
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" Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "
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Done
Few
Lying
" When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. "
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Steal
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" Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. "
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Money
Turn
Think
" I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. "
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Pedestal
Wife
Place
" I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. "
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Call
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Horse
" I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. "
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I Am
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" I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. "
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Education
Teacher
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" On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . "
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Death
Down
Things
" In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. "
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Beverly Hills
Garbage
Television
" I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "
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Look
Never
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" Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. "
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Try
Finding
God
" If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. "
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More
" It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. "
Woody Allen
Impossible
Experience
Death
" Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. "
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You
Nothingness
Happen
" There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? "
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Death
Life
You
" Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. "
Woody Allen
Good
Experience
Love Is
" I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. "
Woody Allen
Universe
Find
Know
" It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. "
Woody Allen
Enjoy
People
World
" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "
Woody Allen
Height
Team
Because
" Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. "
Woody Allen
You
Mistakes
Taught
" Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. "
Woody Allen
Two
Body
Fun
" As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. "
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Said
Hard
Nature
" I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
Woody Allen
Want
Death
Die
" When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. "
Woody Allen
Kidnapped
Action
Room
" Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. "
Woody Allen
Move
Move On
Students