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" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "
Steven Wright
Say
Attention
Day
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" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "
Rita Ora
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" Too much agreement kills a chat. "
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" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "
William Feather
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" A cultural thing that is funny to me is that every time I go out in D.C. after a show, all the nightclubs and restaurants are owned by Iranians and Afghans. It's funny to me how we lost our countries but we gained the nightlife. "
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" If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? "
Steven Wright
Should
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You
" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "
Ella Henderson
You
Eating
Start
" I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same. "
Steven Wright
Bible
Twice
Two
" When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction. "
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Body
Science Fiction
Science
" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "
Joe Rogan
Funny
Brilliant
Guy
" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "
Agyness Deyn
Character
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" I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. "
Elmore Leonard
Funny
Writing
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" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "
Rowan Atkinson
Funny
Think
I Am
" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "
Emmitt Smith
Heart
Path
Security
" What most readers do not realize is that it takes a particular genius to write funny, to satirize. "
F. Sionil Jose
Realize
Write
Funny
" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "
Angie Dickinson
Me
Actress
Against
" When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. "
Saul Bellow
Advice
Looking
Funny
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "
Johnny Carson
Funny
Kid
Used
" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "
Tallulah Bankhead
Mistakes
Funny
Life
" One man's folly is another man's wife. "
Helen Rowland
Wife
Man
Funny
" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "
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Awesome
Point
Want
" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "
D. B. Sweeney
Movies
Family
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" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "
Conan O'Brien
People
You
Say
" I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy. "
Steven Wright
Doing
Art
Creative
" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "
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Everything
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" I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different paths they take. "
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" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "
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Height
Team
Because
" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
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Religion
People
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