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" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

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" Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation, so it's kind of exhilarating to be a part of projects where there's nothing funny or lighthearted. "

" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "

" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "

" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "

Catherine McCormack

" Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. "

" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "

Christine Teigen

" Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically. "

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

Zach Galifianakis

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny. "

" An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. "

" All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "

" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "

" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "

Richard Branson

" The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? "

" Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way. "

" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh, so writing comedy comes naturally to me. "

" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "