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" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "

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" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "

" The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. "

" If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. "

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" My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. "

" Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? "

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" The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. "

" I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. "

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" I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. "

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" I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "

" The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. "

" The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. "

" And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. "

" Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. "

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" Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. "

" It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. "

" Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. "