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" Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. "

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" I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.' "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "

" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "

" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "

Stephen Leacock

" The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have. "

" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "

" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "

" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "

W. Clement Stone

" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "

Benjamin Jowett

" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "

" There is a saying that if you get something for free, you should know that you're the product. It was never more true than in the case of Facebook and Gmail and YouTube. You get free social-media services, and you get free funny cat videos. In exchange, you give up the most valuable asset you have, which is your personal data. "

Yuval Noah Harari

" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

Hillary Clinton

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

Khloe Kardashian

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "