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" I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. "

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" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. "

" You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time. "

Michael Schumacher

" It's a funny old world. "

Margaret Thatcher

" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. "

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

Garrison Keillor

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? "

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

Barbara Corcoran

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "

" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "

" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "

" Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh, so writing comedy comes naturally to me. "

" When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding. "

" At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink. "

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle