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" What most readers do not realize is that it takes a particular genius to write funny, to satirize. "

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" The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We've all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we've all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that's a gift - to you and your audience. "

" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "

" I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "

" Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. "

" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "

" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "

" The musicals that I loved, growing up - many, many. 'Singing in the Rain,' of course, is a classic, I love 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I love 'Funny Face,' Stanley Donen's beautiful movie. It's really countless for me. "

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar. "

" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "

Catherine McCormack

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. "

" We must know our own roles. We should also know the roles that others play, and the rules such roles follow. In this manner, social harmony is maintained. It is when we overstep our roles, or act without knowing them, that social anarchy ensues. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" Like so many poor Ilokanos, my grandparents left their village, for it could no longer sustain them. The Ilocos is a narrow coastal plain where, so often, the mountain drops to the sea. Land hunger had always afflicted the Ilokanos and made them migratory. "

" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "

" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "

" Colonialism subdues in many dulcet guises. It conquered under the pretext of spreading Christianity, civilization, law and order, to make the world safe for democracy. "

" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "

" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. "

" To fund major cultural efforts, we must not rely alone on government and foundation patronage; if the farmer can spend for beer, he can pay for good entertainment which he can understand, which he can identify with and which will fortify his spirit. "