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" I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. "

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" The great city is that which has the greatest man or woman: if it be a few ragged huts, it is still the greatest city in the whole world. "

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef. "

" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "

" I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. "

" It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! "

" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "

George Harrison

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "

" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" It's funny because I've made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. "

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" And your very flesh shall be a great poem. "

" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. "

Sarah Silverman

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "