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" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "

Edward M. Lerner

Future

Stories

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" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

" It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance. "

Jeremy Lin

Balance

Funny

" I saw a stationery store move. "

" It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. "

" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "

Robin Williams

Love

Mother

" People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. "

Isaac Asimov

Great

Think

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "

" It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up. "

" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. "

" Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you're just unable to focus. "

" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "

" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "

" You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough. "

" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "