Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. "

Related Quotes:

" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "

" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny. "

" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "

" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. "

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" When you get something like MTV, it's like regular television. You get it, and at first it's novel and brand new and then you watch every channel, every show. And then you become a little more selective and more selective, until ultimately... you wind up with a radio. "

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "

" My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? "

" I'm good at being funny. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "

" Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar. "

" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "

" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "

George Bernard Shaw

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering

" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "

" Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. "

" Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh. "

" As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. "