Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "

Related Quotes:

" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "

" There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. "

" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "

" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial. "

" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "

" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. "

" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "

" I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. "

" The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. "

" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "

" Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible. "

" I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. "

" I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. "

" I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "

" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. "

" Women love a self-confident bald man. "