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" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "
Larry David
Life
Only
Bad
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" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "
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" Drugs scared me. "
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" I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. "
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" Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. "
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" Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. "
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" The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial. "
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" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "
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" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "
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" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "
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" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "
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" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "
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" Golf and dating don't mix. "
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" I believe in something. "
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I Believe In
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" I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. "
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" I'm cranky. "
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" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "
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" I have reservations about everything I do. "
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" I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges. "
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World
Running
" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "
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" I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' "
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Birthday
Funny
Speech
" It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically. "
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" I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. "
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Hard
Tough
Miserable
" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "
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" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "
Larry David
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" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "
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Look
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" If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not? "
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Talk
About
Course
" Most people think I'm immodest. "
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Think
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People
" It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. "
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People
Were
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" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "
Larry David
You
Back
Line
" Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. "
Larry David
Self-Confidence
Women
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