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" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "

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" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "

" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" You know, I'm really not that bright. "

" I am not honest. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "

" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it. "

" Golf and dating don't mix. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" I can't stand reading anything that I've said. "

" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "

" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

" It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. "

" I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. "

" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "

" You write about what you know. "

" I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. "

" Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. "

Self-Confidence

" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "

" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "