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" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

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" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. "

" Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis. "

" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "

" You know, I'm really not that bright. "

" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "

" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "

" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. "

" I believe in something. "

" My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "

" Obviously comedic styles do change. "

" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "

" Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. "

" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "

" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "

" I am not honest. "

" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "