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" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "
Larry David
Thinking
Day
Driving
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" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "
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" I'm cranky. "
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" Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. "
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People
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Kind
" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "
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Started
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" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "
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" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "
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Scene
Time
Thinking
" I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it. "
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Know
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" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "
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Name
Moving
Back
" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "
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Look
Glamorous
Mirror
" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "
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Walk
" I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. "
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Enough
Therapy
Now
" I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. "
Larry David
Yeah
Still
Driving
" You write about what you know. "
Larry David
You
Write
Know
" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "
Larry David
Background
Mostly
Sloth
" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "
Larry David
Talking
Walking
Enigma
" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "
Larry David
Woman
She
Flirt
" I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. "
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Like
Feel
Mean
" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "
Larry David
Think
Imagine
People
" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "
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Kid
You
Know
" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "
Larry David
Planning
Homeless
Good
" I don't like to make a big splash anyway. "
Larry David
Make
Big
Anyway
" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "
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Life
Only
Bad
" It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically. "
Larry David
Happened
Always
Good
" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "
Larry David
OK
Right
Happy
" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "
Larry David
Nothing
Me
Reflects
" It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. "
Larry David
Country
Than
More
" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "
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Relationship
Precarious
Just
" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "
Larry David
Freedom
Concerned
Complete
" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "
Larry David
After
Write
I Write
" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "
Larry David
Me
Thought
Character