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" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "
H. L. Mencken
Christ
Superior
Rank
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" Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. "
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Life
Exposed
" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "
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Animal
Other
Seems
" I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. "
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Trying
Government
Evil
" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "
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Hands
Flag
Normal
" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "
H. L. Mencken
Love
Intelligence
Imagination
" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "
H. L. Mencken
Go
Reason
Same
" I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk. "
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Milk
Giving
Write
" Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. "
H. L. Mencken
Improbable
May
Faith
" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "
H. L. Mencken
Now
Chemistry
Mathematics
" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "
H. L. Mencken
Effort
Explain
Knowing
" Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. "
H. L. Mencken
Conscience
Looking
Voice
" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "
H. L. Mencken
World
Fact
Lies
" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "
H. L. Mencken
Centuries
Explaining
Theologians
" A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. "
H. L. Mencken
Never
Heaven
Church
" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "
H. L. Mencken
Legend
Lie
Age
" For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. "
H. L. Mencken
Friends
End
Trust
" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "
H. L. Mencken
Good
May
Saying
" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "
H. L. Mencken
Human
Knowledge
Now
" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "
H. L. Mencken
Unsuccessful
History
Historian
" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "
H. L. Mencken
Animal
Sit
Ground
" The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. "
H. L. Mencken
Aim
Safety
Practical
" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
H. L. Mencken
Even
Believe
He
" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "
H. L. Mencken
Woman
Always
Looking
" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "
H. L. Mencken
Looks
Flowers
He
" Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. "
H. L. Mencken
Merely
Become
Good
" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "
H. L. Mencken
Crazy
Ignorant
Making
" Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. "
H. L. Mencken
Who
Better
Immorality
" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "
H. L. Mencken
Until
Smoked
Nine
" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "
H. L. Mencken
Women
Children
Simple
" Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body. "
H. L. Mencken
Movable
Temptation
Force