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" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "

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" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "

" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "

" The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "

" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "

" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. "

" No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. "

" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "

" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "

" Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" Criticism is prejudice made plausible. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "

" Most people want security in this world, not liberty. "

" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "

" All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. "

" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. "