Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "

Related Quotes:

" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "

" No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. "

" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "

" Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it. "

" Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. "

" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "

" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "

" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. "

" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. "

" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "

" It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt. "

" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "

" Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. "

" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "