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" Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. "
H. L. Mencken
Who
Better
Immorality
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" The only really happy folk are married women and single men. "
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Only
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Married
" If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish. "
H. L. Mencken
Deal
Foolish
Good
" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "
H. L. Mencken
Belief
Democracy
Ignorance
" If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. "
H. L. Mencken
Me
Thought
You
" Life is a dead-end street. "
H. L. Mencken
Life
Dead-End
Street
" Time stays, we go. "
H. L. Mencken
Time
Stays
Go
" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "
H. L. Mencken
Original
Capable
Society
" Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body. "
H. L. Mencken
Movable
Temptation
Force
" The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. "
H. L. Mencken
Devil
Failure
God
" Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. "
H. L. Mencken
Improbable
May
Faith
" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
H. L. Mencken
Even
Believe
He
" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "
H. L. Mencken
Legend
Lie
Age
" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "
H. L. Mencken
Woman
Always
Looking
" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "
H. L. Mencken
Man
Sex
Open
" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "
H. L. Mencken
Good
May
Saying
" Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. "
H. L. Mencken
Truth
Life
Exposed
" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "
H. L. Mencken
Worse
Single
Used
" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "
H. L. Mencken
Stolen
Election
Auction
" The cynics are right nine times out of ten. "
H. L. Mencken
Times
Ten
Right
" The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. "
H. L. Mencken
Aim
Safety
Practical
" It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously. "
H. L. Mencken
Seriously
Men
Teach
" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "
H. L. Mencken
World
Fact
Lies
" Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. "
H. L. Mencken
Admitted
Be True
True
" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "
H. L. Mencken
Better
Free
Know
" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "
H. L. Mencken
Unsuccessful
History
Historian
" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "
H. L. Mencken
Mother-In-Law
Visit
Never
" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "
H. L. Mencken
Poverty
Argument
Crime
" When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. "
H. L. Mencken
Hands
Women
Always
" We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. "
H. L. Mencken
Human
Knowledge
Now
" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "
H. L. Mencken
Proof
God
Thought