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" Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it. "

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" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "

" The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. "

" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "

" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "

" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "

" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral. "

" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "

" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

" The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety. "

" We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. "

" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "

" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "

" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "

" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "

" No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. "

" No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "

" I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "