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" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "
H. L. Mencken
Beautiful
Children
Only
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" Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince. "
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" Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. "
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" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "
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" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "
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" Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. "
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" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "
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" Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. "
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" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "
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" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "
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" A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. "
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" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "
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" Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. "
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" The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. "
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" No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. "
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" Life is a dead-end street. "
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" The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. "
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" The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral. "
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" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "
H. L. Mencken
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" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "
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Worse
Single
Used
" I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. "
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" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "
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" Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. "
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" For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. "
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Wrong
Simple
Problem
" Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. "
H. L. Mencken
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Woman
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" Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing. "
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Effort
Explain
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" On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. "
H. L. Mencken
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" Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. "
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" Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. "
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" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "
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" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "
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