Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? "
David Letterman
Health
Man
Good
Related Quotes:
" People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. "
David Letterman
Say
True
Strangers
" There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage. "
David Letterman
Enjoy
Man
Woman
" Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. "
David Letterman
Plan
Daughter
Brand
" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "
David Letterman
Last
God
Things
" For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. "
David Letterman
Home
God
Love
" President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. "
David Letterman
President
Silent
Been
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
David Letterman
Talk
Sing
Dance
" Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton. "
David Letterman
Mind
Paris
Now
" A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag. "
David Letterman
Thinking
Paris
Know
" I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. "
David Letterman
You
Know
Great
" If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover. "
David Letterman
Coffee
Personality
" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "
David Letterman
Importance
Next
Pull
" USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. "
David Letterman
Three
People
Survey
" The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. "
David Letterman
Debate
Now
Own
" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "
David Letterman
Party
You
Body
" Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. "
David Letterman
Run
Body
Fact
" There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. "
David Letterman
Like
Accounting
Business
" We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector. "
David Letterman
Fun
Years
Transition
" New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. "
David Letterman
People
Now
Great
" No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. "
David Letterman
You
Saying
Know
" New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. "
David Letterman
New York
You
Remember
" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "
David Letterman
Thanksgiving
Now
Warm
" Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. "
David Letterman
Traffic
New
New York
" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "
David Letterman
Worth
Anything
Doing
" We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. "
David Letterman
Apology
Gift
Secrets
" There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. "
David Letterman
Know
Courage
Believe
" Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. "
David Letterman
Wherever
Great
Land
" Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. "
David Letterman
Name
Doing
Republican
" Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. "
David Letterman
You
Spring
Forward
" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "
David Letterman
Race
Will
Enter