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" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "

David Letterman

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" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

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" I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "

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" There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. "

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" I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "

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" I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. "

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" People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. "

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" Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? "

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" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "

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" I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "

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" We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. "

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" USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. "

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" Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. "

David Letterman

" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "

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" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "

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" No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. "

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" Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. "

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" President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. "

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" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "

David Letterman

" Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. "

David Letterman

" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "

David Letterman