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" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "
David Letterman
Worth
Anything
Doing
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" I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. "
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" We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector. "
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" The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. "
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" There is no off position on the genius switch. "
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" New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. "
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" President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? "
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" The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong. "
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" We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. "
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" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
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" I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "
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" There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. "
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" I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "
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" I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. "
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American
Am
Believe
" People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. "
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" Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? "
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Man
Good
" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "
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Body
" I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "
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" Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. "
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" We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. "
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" USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. "
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Three
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" Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. "
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You
Spring
Forward
" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "
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Importance
Next
Pull
" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "
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Last
God
Things
" No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. "
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" Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. "
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" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "
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" Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. "
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" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "
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Thanksgiving
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