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" President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. "

David Letterman

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" Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. "

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" There is no off position on the genius switch. "

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" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "

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" We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. "

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" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

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" Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. "

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" New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. "

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" Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. "

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" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "

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" For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. "

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" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "

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" I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. "

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" There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. "

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" I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "

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" The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong. "

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" There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage. "

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" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "

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" I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "

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" Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. "

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" Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? "

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" Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. "

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" New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. "

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" President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? "

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" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "

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" I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "

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" We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. "

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" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "

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" Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. "

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" I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. "

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