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" I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. "

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" A word to the wise is infuriating. "

Hunter S. Thompson

" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. "

" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

Jean Baudrillard

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "

" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "

" Include me out. "

" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "

" Let's have some new cliches. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "

" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "

" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "

" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "

" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "

" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

Alexander Woollcott

" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "

" There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. "

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "

" Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. "

" Just telling the facts are no longer enough. You now have to be persuasive, charismatic, interesting, and funny. Just telling people things isn't enough anymore. "

Milo Yiannopoulos

" Leave America and you'll find that the consumers in many other countries enjoy watching advertising. Not because the products are better, but because the ads are produced to be entertaining. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are dramatic. Sometimes they are just beautiful. "

" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

Guillermo del Toro