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" I love comedians. They're my community. "

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" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "