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" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

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" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "