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" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

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" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" Everything that people say is testable. "

" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.' "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "