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" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

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" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "