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" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "

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" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "