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" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "

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" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "

Raymond Chandler

" I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. "

Paula Poundstone

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.' "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "

George Bernard Shaw

" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "

" Reality continues to ruin my life. "

" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "

" It's funny because I've made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say. "

" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "

" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "

" If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. "

" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "

" If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. "

Laurence J. Peter

" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. "

" I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. "

" With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species. "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "

Robert Downey, Jr.

" I like marriage. The idea. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "