Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. "

Related Quotes:

" It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. "

" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "

" Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. "

" Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. "

" I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. "

" I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "

" Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. "

" I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. "

" I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. "

" If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. "

" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "

" I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. "

" I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. "

" When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. "

" I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. "

" I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. "

" The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. "

" Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. "

" Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. "

" If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. "

" I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. "

" If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. "

" In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. "

" To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. "

" Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. "

" There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? "

" His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. "

" I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. "