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" I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. "

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" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "

" It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. "

" There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. "

" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "

" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "

" I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.' "

" Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible. "

" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

" I have no secrets. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" Obviously comedic styles do change. "

" Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. "

Self-Confidence

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' "

" There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny. "

" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "

" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "

" Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! "

" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "

" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "