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" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "

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" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "

" It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. "

" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "

" I believe in something. "

" I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. "

" I don't like people cleaning my room. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "

" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "

" I have no secrets. "

" I think Michael Moore is a hero. "

" I am not honest. "

" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "

" I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "

" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "

" In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. "

" Golf and dating don't mix. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. "

" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

" My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver. "

" The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. "