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" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

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" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "

" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "

" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "

" Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. "

" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "

" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "

" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "

" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

" I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "

" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "

" I don't have many friends. "

" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

" I have no secrets. "

" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "

" I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. "

" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "

" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "

" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "