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" Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. "

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" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. "

" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "

" I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

Judah Friedlander

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" I am the shortest and least funny person in my family. "

Heather Donahue

" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "

Charles M. Schulz

" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. "

" I own and operate a ferocious ego. "

" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "

" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "

" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "

Christopher Fry

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

Abraham Lincoln

" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "

" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "

" Many a man who thinks to found a home discovers that he has merely opened a tavern for his friends. "

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. "